I read somewhere that said the saddest things in life are death, divorce and moving.
I suppose they all contain a little of each other.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t dealing with a combination of the three.
And while I hate to start off writing on a somber note, it is all very real in my life.
All of these things require leaving. They require a shift in life. Whether that is something or someone cut off too soon, or a new beginning.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell.
Meanwhile, the world keeps spinning and I just want it to f*cking stop for a second. To let me catch my breath.
I tell myself this all the time, but I just want it to. For like a day. I’ll take ten minutes. Ten good minutes of stillness.
I want to be taken care of and held and loved on. But I know this isn’t reality. The world spins and grinds us down, even when we’re not ready. This is the way I thought when my Granddad died long ago. That somehow, the world would recognize his departure. That TV programs would stop and say something. But they don’t.
Miley Cyrus will continue to twerk.
Syria will be torn to pieces.
You will go back to work after a much-needed Labor Day weekend. (So y’all say, anyways.)
Because this is all happening at the same time.
All on this tiny planet begging us to slow down already.
So what do you do? What is the answer to life’s sadness? We all want to know. We feel like we deserve to know. The reason we are here and why we feel the things we do?
Why some of us feel stuck and restless and have to move in and out of other peoples lives. Why people leave us so soon.
Why we have to pull our roots for the sake of necessity. Because we can’t keep taking and not giving back.
Knee jerk reactions and dissonance. If I don’t think about it, it doesn’t exist. But what actually happens is that it festers like a sore. You will get sick from it if you don’t face it.
Today though, I will move with the Earth.
Because I know it’s not slowing down for me.
I will catch a rogue breeze and begin to feel Fall.
And it might make me cry because it reminds me of someone.
Or I will do the opposite and laugh. Because sometimes, you can either laugh or cry and when your eyes are swollen, your heart could use a jolt of laughter.
For those out there, maybe experiencing these things with me, know this:
Face whatever it is. Look at it. Poke it. Move in it. Be terrified and say out loud how it feels like a nightmare. Because it is. Even in your own controlled world, it is. Even with whatever else is happening in the world, you are right to feel what your body feels.
And then, move.
Go to Target and walk around.
Take a drive into nature. (With some good junk food.)
Watch a movie.
Whatever it is, keep moving.
Because that conversation with the older lady at the grocery store about how she always forgets to buy butter; will often save your day.
It will make you realize that you are visible to the people that move in and out of your world.
And I will respond to her,
“Oh! Goodness. Butter. You can’t forget the butter…”