I feel kind of weird writing about this, because I suppose it’s not something I talk about a lot.
I remember listening to my friends and family who had been through separations from lengthy relationships saying, “Yeah, it took me about a year to start dating again…”
That felt real to me.
To be honest, I thought a year would never come, nor did I think I’d be ready to start down that path again.
So much has changed in my heart. What I want has shifted, as well as an entire world of options laid before me.
There were times where I did the online thing. I still dabble, every now and then.
Then I do the app thing on my phone.
Then that feels weird and I delete everything and feel ridiculous.
I have met some seriously amazing people. I’m more so encouraged that I have some decent social skills. Not that I doubted myself, but I was always so used to being in the background of a conversation rather than being the one initiating conversations myself.
That’s been something I’ve had to work on. Now, I find myself babbling at the person sitting across from me like I’ve been cooped up for years. I suppose I’ve always had a lot to say, but I prefer to listen than to talk in most scenarios.
I guess now is the time that I start pulling my head from under the sand a bit. I’m cautious. I’m sure I will be for quite some time. I don’t really know how to go about this.
I put a lot of thought into these things because I haven’t seriously dated in like, well, a long long long time.
Being alone has its perks. I’ve learned what things drive me crazy with my own personal habits.
“Who’s been leaving their toothpaste crap in the sink!?”
This guy has.
So I’m a little more aware of my own actions.
I clean up well after myself, usually.
I’ve never had a problem with doing dishes.
I cook nice meals quite often.
Making my bed is a piece of cake, considering its tiny twin frame that only fits my whole body if I lay on my back.
Hear me out. This is not a cry for help or attention.
I am though, considering the motions of all this again. I feel rusty. Slowly gaining confidence of my appearance. In fact, I might just only be fitting into myself a little more every day.
I feel a little silly, so I will begin my conclusion.
Many circumstances are unfortunate. I have gobs and gobs of lovely and sweet things to be thankful for.
So begins this weird, and mostly liberating time of looking beyond that horizon I always think about.
I get a little nervous again.
I am excited for this forward momentum and what it means for the things going on in my tiny world.
As I say to myself and others quite often these days,
onward and upward
and I reckon’ it’s about that time.