Today is a day I feel I don’t quite belong to —
but hopefully the next.
and a bed with too much space.
I lay there, now, with a book on my chest,
full of people who have said it better.
(And to be honest, didn’t have the luxury of choice)
But I do.
I have so many choices.
So many ideas of change and movement,
like some impatient larvae anticipating
I cry out,
and shake my head
and pull a bit on my shirt.
What is this thing I’m doing?
What on Earth am I learning about being lonely,
except maybe being a little scared from time to time.
I’ve never been a fan of scared.
In the deep recesses of my mind,
I come across a tiny ruin.
It is there, I imagine a person like Job,
picking his scabs with broken pieces of pottery,
but singing, “G-d is great!”
Oh, I am a fool for so many things.
When I close my eyes,
I see a tree on the horizon.
It is a silhouette against a big red sun.
I am there, again,
pulling slightly on my shirt,
“I don’t know how else to be…”
Like some form of confession.
Like these things don’t already know.
I crumble. I melt away.
I come back.
I let whatever it was hanging on my hips,
return to where it came,
which just so happens to be a place I left long ago.
The place where dead things live.
The place where I shed a ghost or two.
The place of the old shells and skins and
I lean forward into the horizon
and allow myself to float free
of the old wineskins.
I close my eyes,
and fall asleep to the rain outside of my window.