Big changes.
Big lessons.
Big moves.
These are the themes in my little swirling galaxy.
Currently, in my head, are a million different ways of doing a million different things.
I see faces and I hear their words.
pressure.
I think that’s what I feel most.
Not necessarily from these people, but what I put upon myself.
The pressure to be the best and make the best choices. Or at least to keep getting better. I know this in itself sounds troublesome to you. But in my line of work, if I wish to succeed and be better, I have to keep practicing.
This is a reason as to why I cook so often for my friends and why I push myself. I don’t have the luxury of a professional institute training me how to do things. I don’t know anything about business. I’ve taught myself everything.
So that pressure. It’s not always bad. It continues to push me beyond my own boundaries, where I know if I wanted to stay in my room all day, I could.
But I can’t. And I won’t.
This galaxy, that is swirling constantly, is pulling in and slinging out all sorts of jetsam and flotsam.
Daily, I am digesting new information and recycling ideas with each new day that I find myself staring into some oblivion, hoping to connect the dots at some point.
Like stars they are, floating in a great mystery. So many tiny dots — like bulbs lighting up the darkest of spaces.
I am aware there’s a common theme to what I’ve been writing lately. A lot of “I don’t know what I’m doing and where I’m going”, and bits and pieces about food and how it relates to all of this.
I suppose that is what this time in my life is about. I know better than to act on a day thought. Sleeping on ideas and words are often better than me making a quick life decision. I realize that life is about failing too, and people keep saying that it’s okay to fail, but that also seems really stressful. Many of us are in this boat.
It’s a very large boat.
I will do as I always do. I’ll try my best to hold loosely to my loves. My friends. My family. Their lives will change. I will maybe fall in love. I might move away again. I can guarantee you food will still be very important. Nothing seems to be very permanent, except cheeseburgers.
But alas, I put my hope in much higher things than cheeseburgers.
I put it in today and tomorrow. In people. In feeding their bellies and watching them raise their kids.
I say thanks to it all, for the tiny galaxy that consumes and moves and transforms,
and the mystery we’re all floating towards.
This spoke to my heart, as always. Thank you for sharing your heart and mind, Josh Casper; even when life seems maybe a little undefined or indescribable, you always seem to find the perfect words that describe your beautiful world.
Sounds like you’re learning your process. I’ve been thinking a lot about that word for the past year or so. We all process things differently … our life journeys’ are processes … when we understand the process, we can accomplish our dreams. Even finding our process is a process! Enjoy the journey, Josh! And thanks for sharing it with us, too.
Peace,
C